A time for everything

I knew today was going to be tough. I prepared mentally for it all week. Snacks to make for soccer, soccer game, team lunch, my daughters Nutcracker practice, our grandson's birthday party, getting kids to different locations, dinner, trick or treating them sleep over preparations for my daughter. I knew by evening I would be exhausted. I also knew that I would have Sunday to recuperate. So far I am surviving. Of course tonight is a night of fitfull sleep - hence 2am blogging. 

I have been really trying to focus more on my health, limits, and spending as much quality time with my children as possible. My children are my blessings God gave me to watch and protect. Everything I do and chose is for them. I chose to push my limits today so that each child had something special for them. I love being a mom. 

For the longest time I had trouble saying "no" to people. Whether it was for coffee, to help someone, volunteer somewhere, or join something, I felt like I had to say yes. Now I say no when I need to. God has shown me it is ok to say no. Boundaries are crucial. I can't let others dictate my choices. I have always worried what others thought of me. I felt like I had to prove to others I was a loving wife, a patient mom, an understanding friend, etc. Over the last few years I have seen how damaging these thoughts have been to me mentally and physically. I am not here to be perfect. I am only here to be the woman God created me to be. This means I can say no to others. Including my kids. Just tonight we were going to take Phia and her friend to the movie. But my husband and I knew it was too much for our exhausted daughter. So we said no. I also knew it was going to be too much for me. 

Sometimes I need to say yes. This can be a tough one. Most people are genuinely helpers. So why is it so hard to accept help? For me I tried to hide my illness. Or I blow it off as "I'm doing well." When in fact I can't even wash dishes or fold laundry. So I am learning to ask and accept help. I have to remember that God calls people to serve so who am to question their offers to serve us?

Will you pray for me to learn to say no and yes when I should? Pray I quit worrying about letting people down. Or obsessing about if someone is mad at me or disappointed in my choices? Pray I seek Gods direction?

Thank you Jesus for being my rock, my shelter and my refuge. I confess I am scared and hurt by people's reactions to me in the choices I make. I confess I overdo it. I confess I need help. Thank you Jesus!