Surviving

Some days this is all it takes to get through - surviving. Last night was a rough night. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and then woke to pain. My joints were on fire!!! I eventually tossed and turned enough my body wore out and fell asleep. All day long I still feel like I got run over by a train. Days like this make it hard to want to do anything other than curl up on the couch. But, given that I work, I am a mom, a wife, etc. I can't give up. Just typing this is killing my fingers. I have to believe there is going to be rest and comfort at some time in my life. I am going on year 20 of this disease and yet I know I will probably have 50 more! God knows my sufferings and He knows how long I have. So for today I will thank him for another day here - pain and all. When I think of the pain, I have to remember there is always someone worse off. I have a job, food, friends, a place to live, a car, a family, etc. I started this blog to keep track of my days - good and bad - as well as to reach out to others who suffer from RA or other chronic pain. This life given to me is not easy, but I have to be thankful it is the life God chose. So, today I confess I am jealous of "healthy" people. I do wish I could run without pain, open the jelly jar for my daughter and sleep a full night. With that confession I know that tomorrow is another day full of surprises and God's love. I pray for rest tonight and a new outlook on wanting something else.