Walking, running and paying for it

Lately I have been training again for 5K races. I love doing them as they are doable for my joints. I hope I can do a 10K some day but I am not sure about my body. I have been working hard to lose weight and get healthy. I admit I feel great as long as I am moving, but the minute I stop I pay for it. I walked about 2 miles today and now my heel and ankle are out if commission. Is it worth it? Somedays. 

Isn't that what life is about? Taking chances to see what the outcome will be? I feel guilty some days when I can barely function. I can't even do dishes without my feet hurting some days. People forget what RA is. They can't look at me and know I have it. Sometimes I think about buying a shirt that announces that I have RA. Then maybe I won't get as many judgmental looks when I have to use the driving cart or my handicap sticker. 

I used to be angry about this life. Why couldn't I be skinny and pain free? Thankfully God had shown me that this is part of a bigger plan. He knows my pain. He knows my struggles. He comforts me when I need it. Thank you Jesus for showing me love. 

 

For those of you who struggle with chronic pain - know that God heard and feels your pain. Lean on Him for comfort and support. He is always waiting. 

Surviving

Some days this is all it takes to get through - surviving. Last night was a rough night. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and then woke to pain. My joints were on fire!!! I eventually tossed and turned enough my body wore out and fell asleep. All day long I still feel like I got run over by a train. Days like this make it hard to want to do anything other than curl up on the couch. But, given that I work, I am a mom, a wife, etc. I can't give up. Just typing this is killing my fingers. I have to believe there is going to be rest and comfort at some time in my life. I am going on year 20 of this disease and yet I know I will probably have 50 more! God knows my sufferings and He knows how long I have. So for today I will thank him for another day here - pain and all. When I think of the pain, I have to remember there is always someone worse off. I have a job, food, friends, a place to live, a car, a family, etc. I started this blog to keep track of my days - good and bad - as well as to reach out to others who suffer from RA or other chronic pain. This life given to me is not easy, but I have to be thankful it is the life God chose. So, today I confess I am jealous of "healthy" people. I do wish I could run without pain, open the jelly jar for my daughter and sleep a full night. With that confession I know that tomorrow is another day full of surprises and God's love. I pray for rest tonight and a new outlook on wanting something else.